


the law of loving

by broken_halleluiah



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, a lot of it deals with rose's death, all of the emotional range, also greg throws up on pearl, amethyst and garnet are in the background, and some humor, because everything i write ends up being about her, chapter 2 has elements of a sickfic, chapter 3 contains mild innuendo and a lot of silliness, chapter 4 is the most pearlrose of the chapters so check it out, i wish i was sorry, in some way, it gets serious again i promise, out of chronological order, plus baby steven, showcasing my love for greg universe, someday i will write a fic with a decent amount of them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-04-28 13:46:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5093015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_halleluiah/pseuds/broken_halleluiah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The truth was that thousands of years of observation and countless hours of research could never have prepared Pearl for her encounter with the human race.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. pearl vs. circadian rhythm

**Author's Note:**

> Hey people of the internet! This is also a repost from my fanfiction account. I wrote the story last summer, and I'm sure it'll contradict canon eventually, but what can you do?
> 
> The chapters are only loosely connected. Each one has Pearl coming to terms with some facet of humanity. It's a character study more than anything outright shippy. The flashbacks we've seen of Pearl are fantastic, and I love imagining just how far she's come since Steven's birth. Ugh. Anyway.

_at first_

"Rose, we've been looking everywhere for you!" Pearl rounded the top of the hill, spotting her commander's mountain of pink curls from some distance away. "There's beenanother security breach of the fence and Garnet-"

"Shhh!" Rose called over her shoulder. Pearl startled and then approached more cautiously, silently drawing her sword from her gem.

"What's going on?" Pearl whispered. "Has the lighthouse been compromised? Are you-"

"C'mere, Pearl. Look at this!" Rose's voice was full of quiet delight, and Pearl hurriedly stashed her weapon. Rose gestured for her to join her, seated on the cliffside beneath the lighthouse's sweeping beam. "Look at him."

It was that human. Greg. He sat on the other side of Rose, his guitar in his lap, but his eyes were closed and his head had slumped forward against Rose's arm.

"It's sleeping," Pearl said. She lifted her eyebrows and said, "Awww," which she figured was the correct response.

"I've never seen one sleep up close before," Rose whispered. "Isn't it just the most incredible thing?" With her free hand, she brushed back the hair from his face. He didn't stir.

"I do like when they are silent and unresponsive," Pearl agreed. "Now about the security breach-"

"That was Greg again. Sorry. We'll try to warn you guys next time he's here!"

Next time. Goodness, he's already been here upwards of four times, and now he's just _sleeping_ at the lighthouse? He was probably more comfortable there than in that cramped van, anyway.

Greg twitched, and his right hand plucked a few random strings on the guitar. Rose giggled. "He fell asleep in the middle of playing a song," she said. "And every now and then he- oh! Listen!"

Greg stirred and strummed the guitar lazily. "...light up my life..." He murmured, out of time and tune. Rose could hardly contain her laughter.

"That's enough of an encore for tonight, Mr. Universe." She took the guitar out of his hands and handed it to Pearl, then guided Greg's head down to rest in her lap. He let out a loud snort that made Pearl jump.

"Rose, I've noticed that you've taken quite the interest in humans lately. Or the one, at least," Pearl began, eyeing Greg warily, lest he surprise her with another horrifying outburst. "So I've gone to the liberty of researching a little bit more about the species. I know we've coexisted for millennia, but this-"

"-is different," Rose finished.

Pearl cleared her throat. "I've already learned so much from my studies. Did you know that the average human spends about one third of its lifespan in that condition?"

"Asleep?"

"Yes! I'm sure you know how long humans live?"

Rose frowned thoughtfully. "Only a couple of centuries."

"Oh, no, no. Less than one, actually,” Pearl corrected politely. “And the male of the species lives an even shorter amount of time. Maybe 75 years... And that's a male that's watching its cholesterol, which, let's be honest..."

Rose blinked in confusion.

"So let's say he lives for 75 years... He'll have spent about 25 of those years asleep. Isn't that just fascinating?" Pearl clasped her hands together.

"Oh wow..." Rose was silent for a moment. "Well, that's all right. He's cute when he's asleep."

Pearl glanced at Greg again. There was a string of saliva dripping from his mouth down to his chin.

"I'll help you move... _him_ back to his van so you don't have to stay out here all night. We don't have to wake him."

"Oh, no, it's fine. It's a beautiful night."

The moonlight shimmered over the rippling waves down below. Rose stroked Greg's mess of hair again. Greg drooled.

"Well, goodnight," Pearl said, setting aside the guitar and standing. She hesitated, then turned around, one hand on the lighthouse. "And Rose?"

"Yes?"

Pearl blushed. "Keep an eye on his slobbering problem. It- it could be rabies."

She left in a hurry.

* * *

  
_but then_

“He doesn't do _anything_ ,” Amethyst complained loudly. She leaned over the newly finished crib that sat in the main room of the temple. It still smelled like fresh wood and furniture polish. “He’s been like this for _hours_ …”

“He needs to sleep,” Pearl said, hardly glancing up from the book she was reading- _Surviving the First Month- The Parent’s Ultimate Guide_. It was the second book in a particularly enlightening series- between the first week and the first year. “It’s natural. Especially for the young.”

Pearl watched out of the corner of her eye as Amethyst reached a hand into the crib. “Do _not_ poke him. Do you want him to scream again?”

Amethyst grinned lopsidedly. “I like it when he screams. Kid's got a set of LUNGS.”

“He only screams when he's in distress,” Pearl said, trying to swat away Amethyst’s hand with only a dirty look. “Just don't disturb him.” She turned back to her book again.

Amethyst huffed, raising her eyes heavenward."Rose, why your baby gotta be so BORING?!"

Pearl slammed the book shut. " _Amethyst!_ "

"What, so I'm not even allowed to say her name?" Her tone was surly.

"Don't START with this. Just- not today."

"Oh, well then, let me know when it works for _your_ schedule for me to have _feelings_ -"

"You were being deliberately disrespectful and-"

"You KNOW I didn't mean-"

Neither of them heard the warp pad whir to life. Garnet took one look at her arguing companions and made a beeline for the crib, where Steven was fussing quietly. She picked him up and bounced him against her hip several times. Pearl and Amethyst immediately fell silent.

They forgot that it had been a long month for him, too.

Garnet turned to the others. "There’s a gem monster circling the beach right now. I was going to stay with Steven until Greg returns, since I figured you two would want to get out of the house." She looked from Pearl to Amethyst. "But that's not going to work. Pearl, do you mind staying here and watching Steven a while longer?"

"Of course not," Pearl murmured.

Steven had curled up against Garnet's shoulder, sticking his thumb in his mouth. His eyes were already drifting shut again. She tucked him back in under the blankets and motioned for Amethyst to follow her.

"Have fun being bored out of your brain," Amethyst called, climbing onto the warp pad.

"I'm glad to have some peace and quiet for a change," Pearl snapped. "I can catch up on my reading."

Amethyst opened her mouth, ready with a retort that Pearl could read in her eyes- _Yeah, because that stupid book is gonna solve everything_ \- but Garnet shook her head. "Let's go. If you need to talk about anything, you can talk to me on the way."

"Forget it," Amethyst said, folding her arms across her chest.

The warp pad lit up and Garnet and Amethyst disappeared. Steven started to fuss again at the sudden flash of light and noise. “Hush now,” Pearl said, sitting beside the cradle. She grabbed the side of it and rocked gently. He grew quiet. Pearl flipped through her book again. Her eyes scanned the pages vacantly as she listened to him smack his thumb in the otherwise silent temple.

After a moment, Pearl laid aside her reading and peered between the slats of the crib. His eyelids fluttered but didn’t open, entirely unaware of his surroundings. Tiny fingers curled and uncurled around nothing in particular. She watched his chest rise and fall under the blankets in time with the rocking motion. The movement was slight, but the rhythm was steady.

She wiped her eyes and watched for a long, long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bookmark for more happy fun times


	2. pearl vs. the digestive system

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which both of the Universe boys expel human filth, to wildly different reactions from Pearl.
> 
> Non-graphic emetophobia warning, just for this chapter.

_at first_

_“Breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuhhhhhhp!”_

Pearl flinched at the frightfully loud expulsion of gas behind her, but she didn’t stop walking.

“TEN POINTS AMETHYST!” Greg hollered. It was a contest between the two of them now, the sort of encouragement Amethyst really _didn’t_ need. And yet the burping was only one of the many horrors of that day, the worst of which were yet to unfold.

Pearl didn't really see how this park was particularly amusing. Greg had promised the four of them a delightful day at Beach City Funland, but it contained all the things on Earth that Pearl could really live without- jostling crowds, mingled screams of delight and terror, the smell of human sweat and all manner of things being deep-fried. That had to be the worst part, the sheer amount of _food_ here. And it didn't help that Greg insisted on stuffing their faces with all of it.

"Ooo! You've got to try this! It's one of those unraveled potato things on a stick!" Greg dragged them over to the nearest stand and hurriedly bought several sticks. "Garnet? Rose? You want one?" He elbowed Pearl and held one out to her hopefully. "Pearl? Is this the human food that strikes your fancy today?"

"No thank you," Pearl said politely. She wrinkled her nose when Amethyst shoved the entire potato in her mouth and swallowed it, stick and all.

"Amethyst, slow down. You know you're going to have to digest all of this, right?" Amethyst ignored her. "Which, I might remind you, can be very uncomfortable to a Gem unaccustomed to the process."

"Oh, I'm accustomed to it now. Digestion feels awesome!" Amethyst licked her fingers as if she was still hungry. As if she actually experienced hunger.

"Suit yourself." Pearl turned to see Rose take a big bite out of Greg's potato. She couldn’t help but wince. "Do you like it?"

Rose nodded. "It sort of tastes like... Help me out here, Amethyst."

"You've had French fries, right?"

Pearl shook her head.

"Ugh, you're useless."

"Ooo, cotton candy! You have not _lived_ until you've had cotton candy!" Greg cried.

"Didn't you have about seven hot dogs already? Where are you _putting_ all this stuff?" Pearl asked, barely masking her disgust.

"In my stomach," Greg said seriously, patting his gut. "When people eat it travels down a tube called the esophagus-"

"I know what your esophagus is, Greg. Don't patronize me,” she said.

"What's your esophagus?" Rose asked.

Greg looked back and forth between them. "See, this is why I never know when to explain stuff-"

"I'll be back later," Garnet interrupted, turning on her heel and abruptly walking off.

"Wait, where are you going?" Pearl called after her. She didn’t want to be left with this madness.

"The Tunnel of Love."

Greg frowned. "Do you want... should we all check it out?"

"No," Garnet said expressionlessly. "Just me."

"Okay! Have fun!" Greg called after her. He obviously had no idea what to make of Garnet, but shrugged it off as he did everything else that should have sent him running by now.

“ _Breeeeeuurrrp!_ ”

Pearl whirled around. “Amethyst, I swear if you do that one more time-”

Rose held up a hand, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry.”

Unbelievable. Amethyst was one thing, but she’d almost worry that Greg was even capable of corrupting _Rose_ with his crude habits. “Oh. N-never mind.”

Amethyst burst out laughing. “TEN POINTS ROSE!” she yelled.

Greg snickered as well, until he saw the expression on Pearl’s face. He hurried ahead on the path and then turned around, walking backwards in front of the remaining Gems. "So, what do you lovely ladies want to do now?"

Pearl wanted to leave. She had only agreed to ride one ride so far, and the incredibly disappointing _Spaceship Adventure_ had only reminded her of how overwhelmingly primitive the technology on Earth was. But the others were having fun, so she pointed to the oversized models of porcelain teacups. "What is that ride?"

"Oh, it just spins. It's kind of boring unless you get it going real fast. But the line's short if you wanna go."

"Oh, I could get it going," Amethyst said, studying the setup with a wicked gleam in her eye.

"I'll wait here for Garnet so she knows where to find us," Pearl said. The others saddled her with all of their belongings, which mostly consisted of Greg's backpack and a gigantic stuffed lion he had won for Rose at one of the carnival booths, and piled into one teacup. They grabbed onto the wheel in the center. Greg put his hand over Rose's.

He really wasn't going anywhere, was he? Pearl leaned against the railing beside the ride and rested her chin on the lion's head. Fifty more years of hot dog eating.

The ride began with a lilting melody, and Greg and Rose and Amethyst screamed in perfect three part harmony. Amethyst cranked the wheel with all her might, which was considerably mightier than the ride had been built to withstand, and the teacup spun until their faces were indiscernibly blurred. Greg's scream rose far above Rose's and Amethyst's in pitch before dropping off altogether halfway through the ride.

It was probably too much to hope that he had flown off.

That was unfair. There was nothing particularly  _wrong_  with Greg. His dedication to Rose was admirable- he must have thrown over 100 darts to win that stuffed lion- but he had no real usable skills to defend himself or others. Again, he had to throw over 100 darts. For a toy lion.

The ride came to a halt- well, most of the ride did. Amethyst continued to spin their cup, in defiance of the stopping mechanisms, until the operator yelled at them in a panic. Amethyst stuck one hand out of the teacup and dragged it along the ground until the cup slowed. The door popped open, and Greg stumbled out first. He staggered a few feet to the nearest bench and sat abruptly, cradling his head in his hands. “Rose..." Pearl called, glancing after him.

But Rose and Amethyst were still giggling about the supersonic speed they had attained. “We totally broke the sound barrier!” Amethyst gasped.

“You frightened that poor worker to death!” Rose objected, trying to look stern.

"Rose, your human is in distress," Pearl muttered, not really expecting anyone to hear. She heaved a sigh and walked over to the bench, digging into Greg's backpack for a water bottle.

Amethyst followed her over, screaming, "Hey, GREGORY! Did that blow your mind or what? LET'S GO AGAIN!"

Greg barely raised his head. "Need a minute..."

Pearl held out the water bottle to him with a sniff. Amethyst dragged Rose over and plopped down on the bench beside Greg. "What's the matter, dude? Too much for you?" She slapped Greg's back heartily.

"Crap," Greg said, which Pearl thought was rather vulgar, until a split second later when he leaned forward and spewed something far worse all over the boardwalk in front of him. And over Pearl's shoes.

There was a moment of stunned silence. Amethyst pulled her hand back hastily. “I did _not_ do that. Not my fault!”

“Greg!” Rose exclaimed. “Are you all right?”

He nodded behind his hands, muttering _crap_ again.

Pearl closed her eyes and opened them again. It didn’t make the atrocious sight disappear. She lifted one foot and set it down in the mess. Her mouth fell open in a soundless scream.

“Greg, are you… Is this…” Rose looked from the puddle on the boardwalk to the other Gems, bewildered. “What _happened?_ ”

“I have no idea!” Amethyst yelled. “I just touched him, and he was like a volcano!” She motioned graphically. “He’s never done this before?”

“No,” Rose said. “This is new.” She touched his shoulder tentatively. “Greg…?”

Of course, they hadn’t researched the various facets of humanity as thoroughly as Pearl had. She watched Greg drag an arm across his mouth and struggle to construct a response. At least he had the decency to look ashamed of himself.

“I just threw up, okay? ‘M fine.”

“You… what?” Rose looked incredibly concerned. But Greg was obviously having trouble explaining the concept of vomiting while still fighting the urge. Pearl bit her lip before coming to his aid.

“Greg has just expelled partially digested food matter. He’s experienced a malfunction of the upper digestive tract, likely caused by the intense disturbance to the fluid in his inner ears. However traumatizing it was for the rest of us, he- is- _fine_ ,” she ground out.

“Oh! You poor thing!” Rose sat beside him, brushing his cheek with her fingertips. He closed his eyes. “Did it hurt?”

Greg shook his head slowly. “Not really. J-just embarrassing.” He glanced over at Amethyst, who was staring steadily at him, her face only inches away from his. “What?”

“Do it again,” she whispered earnestly.

Greg frowned at her.

“Hey Garnet!” Amethyst yelled as their friend approached. “Look what Greg did on the floor!”

Garnet glanced down, adjusting her goggles. “Grody,” she said.

“That was your food?” Rose asked, also glancing down at the mess, completely unconcerned that Pearl was still standing in it. _No one_ had noticed Pearl standing in it. “Do you need more food now?”

Greg laughed lightly, paling again. “Not- not right now. I’m really okay. But thanks.” He noticed then that Pearl was still holding the water bottle out to him with a frozen arm. “Oh, awesome. Thanks, Pearl.” He looked down and winced. “Sorry about your shoes.”

“Think nothing of it,” she said icily. “I suppose I can change them.”

“Yeah, dude, they’re part of her projection,” Amethyst said. “She can literally just snap her fingers and change them.”

“I could,” Pearl replied tightly.

“So why don’t you?” Amethyst challenged her.

Pearl walked away from the group, hands in fists. She changed her shoes.

“So Greg… Can you teach me how to do that?” She heard Amethyst ask.

“How to… vomit?”

“Yeah!”

“Amethyst, I’m serious. It’s not as fun as you’re thinking it is.”

“Maaaaan!”

“How was the Tunnel of Love, Garnet?” Rose asked, effectively changing the subject.

“Delightful,” Garnet replied. “But I’m ready to leave now.”

“Yeah, I’m- I’m good on rides for today,” Greg said. “If there’s nothing else you want to see…”

 “Hey, Pearl, we’re going!”

Pearl heard Greg walk over, felt him tap her shoulder. “Hey, I think we’re ready to go if you’re ready!”

And she couldn’t help herself. "Are you sure you don't want to _defecate_ on anyone while we’re here?" Pearl asked through gritted teeth.

Greg blinked at her, his face immediately growing red. "I... what?" He actually looked hurt.

"I'm just saying that since you can't seem to control the expulsion of your filth-"

"Pearl, that is  _enough!_ " Rose said sharply.

Pearl startled. She hadn’t realized the others were listening. Pearl turned back to them, blushing wildly, afraid to meet Rose’s eyes. Garnet didn’t react, but Amethyst covered her mouth, eyes round.

"I’d like you to show a little bit of compassion, please,” Rose said, more quietly.

Rose had never called her out like this. She rarely scolded anyone, and never in front of the others. Not with such a stern look of disapproval. She had never even called _Amethyst_ out in public. And this was so, _so_ far from being Pearl’s biggest failure.

"I- I do apologize, Rose," Pearl murmured quickly, her voice shaking. "My- my comment was insensitive."

“Hey, no worries,” said Greg, rubbing his neck uncomfortably. “Let’s get going.”

But the obvious truth remained that she had never apologized to him.

* * *

_but then_

Fresh air.

Pearl relished the clean, quiet night air for just a moment before she made her way up to the washing machine resting on the temple’s outstretched hand. Now that the sun was peeking over the horizon, Steven was _finally_ asleep, and she had to move quickly. She dumped the soiled sheets into the machine and leaned against the lid, running through a mental checklist of all the things she needed to get done before he woke again. She had left a message for Greg at the car wash. She had wiped down the bathroom, sink and toilet, and mopped the floor. Pearl thought she might as well start on reorganizing the medicine cabinet, but the moment she walked back into the house, she knew the brief respite was over.

"Pear- _uhhhhhhhl!_ " The somewhat strangled sound made her heart sink. It had hardly been forty-five minutes since he drifted off. She hurried upstairs and found Steven sitting up in bed, sobbing quietly behind his hands. She sat down beside him.

"What's the matter, Steven? Did you throw up again?" The smell answered her question, but the sheets she had just changed still seemed mercifully clean. 

Steven nodded miserably. "All over Sir Bearington...” He held out the soiled toy to Pearl. “And now he's never going to forgive me… _ever_...” He broke off into a fresh round of sobs as Pearl took the bear, pinching it between two fingers.

"Oh, now of course he will. One quick wash and he'll be right as rain." Pearl set Sir Bearington aside. With her other hand, she brushed the hair off his sweaty forehead. "Steven, do you remember that I put this bucket here for you to use if you needed it?"

Steven glanced down to the floor with bleary eyes. "Well, NOW I remember!" he wailed, flinging out his arms in exasperation. Pearl pulled his stained shirt over his head for the second time in an hour. Maybe this time she might as well leave it off.

"It's okay, Steven. I know you're very tired." He was crying so hard that he had started to hiccup. "Try to calm down. Deep breaths. You're only going to make yourself-"

She'd barely gotten that sentence out when one of his hiccups transformed into a cough and then she shoved the bucket in front of him just in time. Pearl rubbed his back as he retched. "Just breathe. It'll be over in a minute."

_Twenty-four hours. The worst should be passed in twenty-four hours._

When he was done, Pearl pulled the bowl away and handed him a tissue. "Blow," she instructed. He blew a mess of goo all over his face and then decided to hug her, burying his streaming nose in her middle. Pearl gently tilted his head back and grabbed a cloth from the nightstand. She wiped his face carefully.

"Any better?" she asked, smoothing his hair.

Steven took a shaky breath, wrapping his arms around his own belly. "This is it. This is the end for Steven." He flopped back against his pillow. “Give all of my guys to Onion."

Despite his dramatic words, a little of the pain on his face had eased. Pearl laughed quietly, relieved. "You'll feel better in a few hours. Let me take your temperature again."

She stuck the thermometer under his tongue and hurried to wash out the bucket and the cloth. She needed to find somewhere to stash that toy until she could properly launder it. In the doorway of the bathroom, out of Steven’s eyesight, she let herself shudder violently. Elsewhere in the temple, the telephone rang once, but it stopped before Pearl could think about moving to answer it.

Amethyst burst into the room then, yawning and talking too loudly into the phone. "Yeah, I'm in there now. He's been tossing cookies since like three this morning."

"Don't call it anything cute," Steven moaned. "It's not cute."

Amethyst covered the phone with one hand and whispered to Pearl, "It's the Gregmeister." Then into the phone, "Yeah, he's awake, do you want to talk to him?"

Pearl pulled the thermometer out of Steven’s mouth as he took the receiver. "Hi, Dad."

"Hey, kiddo. How are you holding up?" Pearl faintly heard Greg ask.

"I died," Steven said. "And now I'm dead."

"That good, huh?"

"I think I'm on the ocean.... Because I am very, very seasick. And the whole room is doing like wooooooooo….wooooo...." He gestured to imitate a rocking boat, which of course Greg couldn't see. "I must have puked eleven...teen....hundred times."

"That's no bueno, buddy. Try to sleep if you can. I'm gonna come by at lunchtime and bring you guys some stuff. Okay, I'm sending you a hug through the phone."

"Hug received," Steven said wearily. Pearl took the phone and glanced at the thermometer display in her hand again. She spoke to Greg in a hushed tone.

Steven rolled over to face Amethyst, who had sprawled out on the bed beside him. "Why is this happening to me?" he whined. "Why does this stuff never happen to you guys?"

"Hey, gems aren't invincible or anything," Amethyst told him. "But look at your rock." She tapped the gemstone in his bare stomach lightly. "Completely spotless. Means that's your human side making you sick, dude."

"Hooray," Steven said flatly.

"Hey, if you can sleep now, when Garnet gets back, maybe I can convince her to do a four-handed puppet show for you."

"That's not possible." His eyes started to drift shut.

“Oh, that’s what _you_ think.”

"...and probably some of that colorful drink to prevent dehydration?” Pearl said. “I don't remember the name of it, but Amethyst likes to dump coolers full of it on people."

"Gatorade. Got it,” Greg said earnestly. “Anything else you need me to pick up?"

"Maybe soup? We'll see what he's up to this afternoon." Pearl smiled wearily. "You're a lifesaver, Greg."

Greg hesitated on the other end of the line. "Let me close up the carwash, Pearl."

"You don't have to do that." He couldn't afford to, to be more precise.

"C'mon, you've been up since three AM."

"Gems don't sleep, Greg."

"I know, but still. I know how much you hate-"

"It's nothing. Really," Pearl insisted quietly.

Greg clicked his tongue. "Keep rocking in surround sound, then. I'll be there when I can."

Pearl hung up to the sound of her name wailed yet again, this time with Amethyst joining in an anxious chorus. Steven sat up in bed, clutching at his blanket with panic in his eyes.

"I... I didn't throw  _up_..." he whispered.

And Pearl just sighed. Those sheets weren't going to change themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I was more sorry about this.


	3. pearl vs. human reproduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Pearl needs brain soap, and Connie fears she is a candidate for the weirdest reality show ever.

_at first_

 “We have something very important to tell you,” Rose announced. She squeezed Greg’s hand and glanced around at the other Gems. “Maybe you should be sitting down for this.”

“I’ll catch them if they faint,” Garnet promised.

“Maybe _I_ should be sitting down for this,” Greg said. He dragged several folding chairs out of the back of his van and arranged them in a circle in the sand. Pearl took a seat at the edge of her chair, crossing her feet primly. Despite the balmy sunshine on the beach, the circular set-up made her feel like they were forming a tribunal planning to go to war. She didn’t have any idea what Greg and Rose could be announcing- the two already spent more time together than apart, had for multiple Earth-years- but the whole thing still put her on edge.

Rose cleared her throat. She cut right to the chase. “Greg and I are going to have a baby.”

“A baby?” Pearl exchanged a bewildered look with Amethyst. “A baby what?”

“A baby us,” Rose said simply.

That couldn’t be correct. “But how?” Pearl asked.

“ _How?_ ” Amethyst echoed.

 “How…” Greg put his palm to his forehead.

Rose smiled warmly. “I’m pregnant.”

“You’re _what?_ ” Pearl asked. A misunderstanding. They’d have it cleared up in a moment.

“PREGNANT?” Amethyst roared. “Pregnant? Like Vidalia was pregnant?” She pounded her fist into her hand. “Where is that Marty? I’ll kill him! I will!”

“No, no, no. It’s Greg’s baby,” Rose said quickly. “Greg’s and mine. Our baby.”

Amethyst scowled at Greg. “What did you _do_ to her?”

Amethyst did not entirely comprehend the nature of pregnancy or how it came about. Pearl had done plenty of research. But in this particular instance she did not understand either.

“I- I just don’t think that that’s _possible_ ,” Pearl said, biting her lip.

“Well, we had our doubts in the beginning, but… it is,” Greg said, smiling lopsidedly. “Miracles happen, ya know?”

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!” Amethyst demanded again.

Greg took a deep breath. Of course ‘miracle’ wasn’t a good enough explanation. “Well, Amethyst, you know that the way Gems reproduce is-"

"You  _drilled a hole in her?_ "Amethyst interrupted, shocked and horrified.

Greg blinked at her once, still smiling. Then he stood up and kissed the top of Rose's head. "Have fun, sweetie. I'll see you later."

Rose grabbed his arm and pulled him back down into his seat before he could make a break for it. She also refused to stop smiling.

“My hair is coming out, Rose. This is making my hair fall out.”

“It’s not,” Rose whispered.

“Just _look_.”

“Human reproduction is very different,” Rose finished, gently pushing Greg’s head away. “And I am pregnant. As a human being experiences pregnancy.”

“Are you- are you sure?” Pearl stammered. “Because I don’t believe that Gemkind possess the necessary… components…”

“Love,” Rose interrupted.

“What?”

“All you really need is love,” Rose said with a meaningful look. Pearl frowned, and then as she watched, Rose folded her hands to form a heart, then shapeshifted them together so the shape was as perfect and complete as a human Valentine.

Oh. Oh, stars in the heavens, _shapeshifting._

“Oh, you’re going to have a baby!” Pearl gasped. She turned to Garnet and shook her shoulder with a violent grin. “Did you hear, _they’re going to have a baby!_ ”

Not by way of a miracle. Oh, _what had they done?_

“In a few months, we’ll have a new member of the family,” Rose said, touching her abdomen lightly. “And we’re very excited about it.”

“Of course you are!” Pearl said, smiling too widely. “We’re very excited for you as well! We’re very-” She was breathing too fast now to finish the sentence. “But will it- will it be a human? It- it can’t be a Gem. Will it be a Gem?” she turned to Garnet, almost pleading.

"Congratulations," Garnet said, holding out her hand to the couple. "It's a boy. He will not be like anything that’s lived before. And after much deliberating, you'll most likely decide to name him Steven.” She paused and studied the others’ faces. “Whoops. That may have been more than you wanted to know."

"A boy? We're having a baby boy?" Greg's eyes filled up almost immediately. He grabbed his head, laughing nervously. "Oh, man. This is really happening, isn't it?”

“Steven,” Rose repeated, under her breath.

“Oh, thank you!” Greg flung his arms around Garnet, a gesture that she did not return. He embraced Amethyst tightly as well, but Pearl sat back down and folded her arms, and he kept his distance. She couldn’t help staring at him then, at his slightly flabby human form which was glistening with sweat in the late afternoon sun.

Pearl felt vaguely ill.

"Rose, I need to speak to you in private. Immediately." Garnet adjusted her goggles. "Actually, it can wait. We should be celebrating right now." Her face twitched microscopically. "But I really need to talk to you as soon as possible. It can’t- it can’t wait long." She folded up her chair and stashed it in the van.

Pearl told herself not to be alarmed by Garnet’s brief moment of contradiction, as she herself was feeling unsteady. She told herself not to be alarmed by any of it. Rose had always been partial to human children. This could be a wonderful experience.

“You know, I had an Uncle named Steven,” Greg said. “He was a pretty great guy. Took me fishing sometimes… Now I can’t get that name out of my head.”  He pulled his hand away from his temple, holding several loose strands of hair. “Okay, _now_ do you believe me, Rose?”

Pearl stared at the dangling hair in horror. She had no choice but to believe any of it.

* * *

Amethyst studied the page in Pearl’s book for a long moment. “Dude.” She squinted and then turned it sideways, upside down. “ _Duuuuude._ Hey Pearl, remember when you told us we all needed to study up on human anatomy?”

Pearl didn’t respond. It was better for the nausea if she kept her mouth shut.

“It sounds like _somebody_ took your advice!” Amethyst snickered. “Up top!”

Pearl didn’t high-five her.

"Well, it’s obvious that Rose's fascination with the human race and its customs no longer has any remaining boundaries. But if she wishes to engage in…" Pearl paused to choose her words carefully. "…primitive human mating rituals, she’s entirely within her right."

"That's so crazy. I didn't have any idea that they  _could_. Did you, P?"

"Of course," Pearl said quickly. "Rose has confided many things in me. That doesn't mean I enjoyed focusing on the thought. D-did you know, Garnet?"

"Yes."

"No fair! Rose told everybody but me!" Amethyst crossed her arms.

"She didn't tell me anything," Garnet said. "But experience has given me some advice for the two of you. If you don't have future vision, I would suggest you always _knock_  before entering Rose's room." She gave them a long, meaningful look before turning on her heel.

“ _Dude_ ,” Amethyst said.

*

"Pearl, what are you doing?"

Pearl glanced up from the pink tile floor that she was furiously scrubbing with a sponge. "Oh- oh nothing much, Rose." She drew a hand across her forehead and smiled widely. "I was just thinking earlier how it's been a long time since we disinfected every surface in the temple, hasn't it?"

Rose blinked and watched Pearl continue to pour herself into her cleaning. "Well, thank you, Pearl, but.... This room is an arbitrary construction of my mind. So there's no guarantee it will even be here tomorrow."

Pearl stood and wrung out her sponge into a bucket. "Yes, I know," she murmured. "We definitely need to keep up with the cleaning..." 

* * *

_but then_

"Pearl! Connie has a question she wants to ask you!"

“No I don't!" Connie rushed into the room so close behind Steven that she plowed into him.

"Yes, you do!" Steven insisted, wiggling away when she tried to cover his mouth.

"No, really, it's nothing!" Connie pushed the frames of her glasses back up, blushing wildly. She wouldn’t make eye contact with Pearl.

“Come on, Connie! Pearl’s really good at answering questions. Even stupid ones.” Steven turned to Pearl. “She thinks it’s stupid, but I bet it’s not. Connie’s really smart.”

Pearl leaned the mop against the wall. “Connie, you don’t need to be embarrassed about seeking knowledge,” she said.

Connie twiddled her thumbs. “I just wanted to know a little more about Gems.” Her blush deepened.  “And, um, how they reproduce. Or- or if they do. Because I was thinking that a species that doesn’t age maybe doesn’t need to have kids?”

Connie had no idea that she had just stumbled upon a philosophical and ethical dilemma that had raged on Homeworld for millennia. Normally, Pearl explained Gemkind to humans on a strictly need-to-know basis. But Connie was a truly bright-minded scholar for one so young. And it was touching that she cared so deeply for the foreign world that Steven was a part of. Pearl took a seat on the couch and motioned for the children to join her.

“Well, Gems don’t produce offspring in the traditional way that humans do.” She used her gem to project an image of two cells combining. “You know that when humans mate-”

Connie coughed violently and cut her eyes toward Steven, who was happily popping bubbles on a game on his phone. There was no telling if he was tuned into the conversation or not.

“I don’t know if he…” Connie whispered.

“Ahhh. Yes. Steven…” Pearl cleared her throat. “Steven, you haven’t heard about this yet, have you? Greg’s never told you anything about… the birds or the bees?”

Steven shook his head.

“The facts of life?” She searched her memory. “The… green gown, if I may?”

That last phrase may have been a bit archaic, but it wasn’t as if Pearl had had this conversation frequently in the past few centuries.

“No, but that _does_ sounds intriguing. Tell me!” Steven set aside his phone, curious.

“Well, it’s a very special story about where people come from. And we all promised Greg that he got to be the one to tell it to you.”

“Oh.” Steven nodded seriously. “I see.”

There was silence. Steven looked from Connie to Pearl. “Well, I’m going to make a sandwich,” he announced, then strode into the kitchen.

Connie continued in a lower tone. “I know… I know that Gems don’t really have a biological sex according to a human understanding of the concept, do they? And so maybe they don’t _mate_ … or… but… I…” She faltered.

Pearl projected the image again, zooming in on the DNA structure of the human parents’ cells.

“When humans mate, the resulting offspring has a combination of its parents’ genetic coding that makes it entirely unique. And the child spends a period of time incubating in the mother’s body before making an appearance.”

Pearl projected an image of one of the Gem injectors, back in its functional state. “By contrast, Gems incubate in a special area underground. Reproduction doesn’t take place naturally. The process is expensive and time-consuming and _certainly_ cannot come about by accident.”

Connie nodded slowly. “Yeah, Steven told me a little bit about the… the Kindergarten.”

The image from Pearl’s gem darkened, ever so slightly. She fought to keep the scene from transforming to the bleak reality of the abandoned mine. It really was a good thing they had come to her with this question and not to Amethyst.

“But I- I just wanted to make sure I understood correctly because I also thought about- about fusion and how it’s- it’s sort of two Gems making a new Gem, isn’t it?” Connie said. “I know it’s not the same thing…”

“No, not at all,” Pearl said quickly, blushing a little.

“But I- I was wondering about Steven? Because he- he has two parents? And so I didn’t know if there was some magic involved and- and maybe they fused and- I mean, I could have asked Mr. Universe, I guess, but I wasn’t going to ask _Mr. Universe!_ ” Connie laughed, the pitch just a little too high.

Pearl sighed. “No, Greg and Rose were never capable of fusing. Through shapeshifting, Rose was able to mimic a female reproductive system and-”

“I get it!” Connie blurted out, covering her eyes. Pearl turned off her hologram projection as Connie continued to stammer.

“I- I just got worried because- I didn’t know where Steven came from and- and he and I fused the other day and I- I don’t understand all of your Gem magic and I got scared- I got scared that- it’s nothing, but-”

Pearl blinked at Connie, and pity came over her along with understanding. “Connie, listen to me,” she said soothingly. “There is _absolutely_ no way that you are pregnant.”

“I _told_ you it was a stupid question!” Connie wailed, flinging out her arms. Her eyes glittered with unshed tears. “I’m eleven years old and I’ve never even kissed Ste – anyone - and if my parents knew - I couldn’t stop thinking about what I was going to tell them if - if somehow due to this impossible m-magical stuff I was - I was going to have -” She gasped for breath. “And they don’t even know that I know about- about _sex_ , and I only know from books, and if they knew that I knew then they would take all my books away and I need my books. I need them, Pearl!”

She wrapped her arms around Pearl, still struggling not to cry. Pearl patted her back hesitantly.

“Of course I’m not going to tell them,” she reassured Connie. “And you can just calm yourself with the knowledge that Steven was conceived in the regular old human way.”

“I don’t know why I thought it was something more… magical than that,” Connie said, sitting back on the couch.

“I don’t pretend to appreciate the subtleties of the process myself,” Pearl admitted. “But Steven was created out of a love different from any before or since. So I’d say it’s still something of a miracle.”

Connie sniffled, but she also smiled. “I guess so.”

“And, of course, Steven’s only the first generation of a human-Gem being. There’s no telling what kind of complications will arise when the time comes for you two to produce offspring.”

“ _What?_ ” Connie squeaked.

Pearl glanced around innocently. “What?”

Connie shook her head. “Nothing. Let’s just change the subject now.”

That was when Steven burst into the room, snapping his fingers. “Intercourse!” he said triumphantly.

They stared at him.

“That’s what Dad called it. He told me where babies come from, but he called it intercourse. Intercourse, of course, of course.” Steven nodded, pleased with his little rhyme. “Yup, I heard that story.” He walked back into the kitchen.

Connie put her hands over her face and slid down her seat until she disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tune in next time to see Connie star in 11 and Pregnant with My Best Friend’s Baby through Inexplicable Magic Alien Biology. It’s sure to be a hit, and not controversial at all.


	4. pearl vs. mortality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I screw with the before Steven/after Steven format of the first few chapters in order to bring you the Pearl/Rose angst hour. I'm so sorry.

_“The meaning of life is that it stops.” –_ Franz Kafka

* * *

_at first_

Pearl wanted to love the creature growing inside Rose. She wanted to love him as much as the others already did. But the thought frightened her, because Greg’s hairline really was receding.

They all teased him about it, of course. “I hope that Steven doesn’t inherit that from you,” Garnet said with a grin.

“I hope he doesn’t inherit much from you,” Pearl murmured under her breath.

“Yeah, ‘cuz you’re ugly!” Amethyst burst out. She giggled and dodged when Greg reached over to rumple her hair.

But only Pearl seemed to be truly distressed by this phenomenon. They had known Greg for just a small fraction of his lifespan, and already he was wearing down. Oh, sure, he claimed that the balding was premature, but there was no denying that his metabolism had slowed and begun to pad his abdomen with squishy places. And he may have still kept up the routine of wild headbanging at all of his concerts, but Pearl couldn’t have been the only one to notice his new habit of swallowing painkillers immediately afterwards. However the others tried to ignore it, it made Pearl’s heart ache to watch.

And she could hardly say she _liked_ Greg. She couldn’t imagine how it would hurt to love a human being that practically came prepackaged with an expiration date.

She had to know about the baby.

It was a rarity to catch Rose sitting up by the lighthouse alone that night. Pearl seldom saw her overlooking the sea without Greg since that first night she had declined Pearl’s offer to carry him back to the van. Rose had spent the past several months of her pregnancy submersing herself completely in the human world. But now she looked down over the wild ocean in a silence so pensive that Pearl hesitated to approach her.

“Rose, do you need anything?” Pearl asked. “Can I get you something to eat?”

The fetus required food and water to grow, and Rose had been utterly delighted to feel her first genuine pangs of hunger and thirst. It frightened Pearl, but what didn’t, these days? At her insistence, the temple had a fridge stocked with the essentials now.

Rose shook her head. “I only need company. Sit with me, Pearl.”

Pearl sat on the cliff side, dangling her feet over the edge. The stars were beginning to peek out through the cloud cover overhead. In the blink of an eye, it would be morning again. She had to ask.

"Do you know if Steven will age?" Pearl hoped her tone was casual. “As a human, I mean?”

"I don't," Rose admitted. "There's a lot we can't know about Steven yet."

"I see,” Pearl said. “I just think it would be difficult. To watch him grow up and..." She cleared her throat. "It’d be difficult for me. But I'm sure it's nothing you can't handle. You’ll love to watch him grow, won’t you?"

A troubled look crossed Rose's face. She laid a hand over her swollen belly. "Pearl, there’s something I want to show you. Here."

She reached out and took Pearl’s hand, guiding it over to her baby bump. Pearl hesitantly touched Rose’s gem, blushing even as she tried to avoid it. She had already felt the baby kick and didn't particularly want to witness such a senseless act of aggression ever again.

But there was no real movement under her palm- just a slight vibration from the rose quartz gem. A steady hum could be heard when they were both silent. The gem was awake and glowing faintly, though Rose was perfectly still.

"He's doing that," Rose whispered, to Pearl's questioning look.

"What is he using your gem for?"

"Just to exist," Rose explained quietly. "It's sustaining him."

"What- what does that mean?" Pearl asked, though she feared she already knew.

"He won't be able to live without it."

Pearl pulled her hand away and watched the surface of the gem flicker. "Are you certain?"

"As certain as I can be of anything," Rose said. Her smile was weak.

"Oh, Rose, I'm sorry," Pearl murmured. "I'm so sorry."

She was. As little as Pearl understood it, Rose seemed desperate to experience the world as a human did, to the point where she was willing to let one inhabit her body. She took such joy in nurturing him, sustaining him with food and drink. But there was only much she could give him.

And hers wasn’t the only dream to die. For goodness’ sake, Greg had given up enough dreams so far in his short life, hadn’t he? As enthusiastic as he was about raising this child, somehow Pearl doubted that _this_ would be the thing that drove him away. But still she broke the silence.

"Does Greg know?"

"Yes, he's known for a little while now." Rose stroked the grass with a faraway look. "Greg is devastated."

So he hadn’t disappeared to mourn his hair, then. Pearl waited for Rose to amend her simple statement with something a little more hopeful. Rose only added, "But I believe that in time, he'll begin to understand why I decided as I did."

"Do I have permission to speak freely, Rose?" Pearl asked cautiously.

Rose frowned at her. "You always do."

Pearl hesitated, choosing her words carefully. "I’m sure it’s difficult for Greg to comprehend a lot of things about us. But surely he must realize that you cannot give him a normal human life. You’ve always been… so much more than that. And if having human children is what matters most to him-”

Rose held up a hand, clearly troubled. "Oh, I’m afraid I wasn't clear. I'm going to have Steven."

Pearl frowned. “You said he wouldn’t be able to live on his own.”

“Not without my gem. But I've had this gem for a long time,” Rose patted her swollen stomach, her gaze distant. “It's his turn now.”

“I don’t understand.” Anxiety punctured Pearl like a knife. “What will happen to you?”

"Only one of us can keep a physical form. And it's going to be him.”

“You mean you’ll die when it’s born?”

“It’s not exactly a death. I’ll be alive in the gem. And even though I won’t be physically present here…” She paused, concerned. “Pearl, please try to stay calm.”

At Rose’s request, Pearl tried not to tremble visibly. “Well, what about when it dies? It will die, won’t it?”

It was funny how the thought that had been so painful before was now Pearl’s last shred of hope. No. Funny wasn’t the right word.

Rose hesitated just a moment too long with her answer. “There’s still so much we don’t know.”

Pearl was not staying calm. She cradled her head, an uncontrollable fit of laughter bubbling in her throat even though she felt ill. “Oh, this is madness,” she whispered into her hands.

“But please trust me when I say what I do is best. If you could see the life that Steven is going to live-”

"No. This is wrong. You’re wrong.” Pearl had never spoken that set of words to that face before. Not like this. “P-permission to speak freely?”

Rose nodded. Her expression betrayed little surprise, and so Pearl stammered on.

“You're wrong if you think your halfbreed child will be better for the world than you are. Nothing could be. Rose, we all need you more than you need to- to sacrifice yourself for the sake of some sentimental human experience..." She forced back tears, not wanting anything to undermine the logic of her argument. Her argument was sound. “You are not human, Rose. You are not _meant_ to feel and do such things.”

“But he is.”

Oh, not this.

"Pearl, you know I tell you things that I cannot confide in anyone else. I'm frightened, too,” Rose admitted quietly.

“Well, of course you are, Rose! This makes no sense!” Pearl burst out. “You say you love this child, and you’d really leave it alone here, on this _hell hole_ of a planet?”

“Earth is not a hell hole.”

“It would be if you weren’t here!” There were more words she’d never spoken. Pearl put her head in her hands, gasping. “Oh, this is _madness_ …”

“Steven wouldn’t be alone,” Rose continued. “Greg is far more capable than we’ve given him credit for. His capacity to love astounds me. It’s even greater than his capacity for pain.”

Pearl hardly heard her. “You’d leave us alone, then?”

“Pearl. Oh, Pearl, I feared this would cut you deeply. But you and Garnet and Amethyst will have Steven as well. He’ll need you to teach him what Greg can’t. Steven will have the powers of the rose quartz gem. I am confident that the three of you will be able to help him grow into them.”

That was nonsense. Rose’s face softened when Pearl couldn’t even begin to form a response.

“I know I ask you to do hard things. I know I ask the impossible. But you’ve never let me down. Pearl, there’s no one I trust more.”

“Permission to speak freely, Rose,” she pleaded.

“Don’t ask me that again.”

"I don't want to raise your child. I don't want any part of this crazy experiment," Pearl stammered. "Rose, I- I want you."

And there was yet another set of words she had never said aloud. Again, Rose’s expression betrayed no surprise, only a quiet sort of pity.

"I know," she whispered, reaching for Pearl’s hand. "But Pearl-"

Pearl drew her hand back. There was the reason she had never said these things. Rose knew, _but_. She knew, but it just didn't make a difference in the end.

Not even when it could save her.

Pearl stood abruptly. "I hope Greg does grow to understand, Rose, because I never will." She spoke calmly. But she was sure Rose knew better.

* * *

“Garnet!” Pearl hammered on the door wildly. “Garnet, I need to speak with you! It can’t wait. Please. You’ve got to help me reason with her!”

The door of the temple opened a crack, and Pearl jammed her spear inside and forced it open wider. She stormed into the Burning Room, waving smoke away from her face.

 “Keep your voice down, Pearl.” Garnet stepped out from around one of the stone pillars in the room. “Amethyst doesn’t know yet. And she shouldn’t find out like this.”

“But _you_ knew!” Pearl poked the taller Gem in the chest. “How could you not have warnedher?”

“How could you think I _didn’t?_ ” There was a rare twinge of pain in Garnet’s voice. “I told her from the beginning that this could happen. But Pearl, I think she knew before I did. She doesn't just want to keep her kid from dying. She wants him to live."

Pearl turned and swung her spear into a pillar of rock. It was all just _semantics_.

“Listen to me. You have the rest of your life to be angry and confused,” Garnet said quietly, as Pearl sent another spray of pebbles raining down on them. “You have the rest of hers to show your support.”

Pearl stopped swinging. The energy seeped away the moment she quit fighting, and she wobbled on her feet.

“I can’t.”

* * *

_but then_

Pearl had done the impossible for her before.

So in the end, she drew her sword and held it out in front of them. Greg took an instinctive step back before hastily excusing himself. Pearl stabbed the point into the grassy hill and took one knee, lowering her head as she leaned on the hilt.

"Rose Quartz, I seek your forgiveness," she said, eyes trained on the ground. "I have forgotten my place."

"Pearl, you haven’t-"

"I swore my allegiance to you on the eve of the rebellion. I swore to fight beside you until the end, and to trust all of your decisions. It has always been the very least I could do." Pearl swallowed hard. "I swore to let no harm befall you. And now I swear to let no harm befall your child. Whatever sort of creature he is. However long he walks this Earth, I swear to protect him. I swear this on the seven glittering lakes on our Homeworld. I swear on the seven moons in the night sky. I swear-"

"Pearl, stand _up_ ," Rose cut her off. She sounded almost dismissive.

Pearl's words faltered. She was only partway through the very long speech she had prepared. But she slowly stood and risked a glance upward.

There were tears streaming down Rose's face. She opened her arms for an embrace. “You know your place.”

The sword slipped out of Pearl’s hand. She rushed forward and broke down in ugly sobs against Rose’s shoulder.

She had never loved anyone with an expiration date before.


	5. pearl vs. psychological infirmity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which no one will eat Greg's pancakes, and Steven is a little too perceptive for Pearl's comfort.

_at first_

“Da-da!”

Steven stomped his small feet impatiently on top of Pearl’s shoes. She held both of his hands and walked him up the path to the mobile home, encouraging him to lift his feet in sync with each of her steps.

“Good job,” she cooed. Any day now, he would be running off all by himself. As exciting as that day would be, Pearl was glad that for now the task of keeping an eye on him was relatively easy. She pulled one hand out of Steven’s tight grip and knocked on the mobile home’s front door.

“Greg!” she called.

“Geg!” Steven yelled.

“No, say da-da.”

“Da-da!”

The door remained shut. Pearl hoisted Steven up to her hip and knocked again, then wandered around to peer through the kitchen window. She frowned, calling louder, and then made her way down the small gravel drive to where Greg’s van was parked. She pounded on the back doors, and after a moment of shuffling inside, they swung open and Greg’s mess of bed head appeared.

“Oh, hey there! I wasn’t expecting you guys this early… at three in the afternoon,” Greg finished, glancing at the light-up clock by the old cot he’d been sleeping on. "Wow, sorry. You know how Saturdays can get away from you!"

Pearl shook her head in disbelief. "It's Sunday, Greg." She wrinkled her nose at the mess of sandwich wrappers and un-alphabetized CDs scattered inside the van. Didn’t he have a bed inside the house?

“Sunday.”  Greg set the clock down again with a heavy-sounding chuckle. He rubbed his eyes. “Whaddya know about that?"

“Da-da!” Steven shrieked.

“Hey, buddy!” Greg’s face immediately lit up. He climbed out of the van and shut the doors on the mountain of clutter. Steven strained to step toward his father, but Pearl kept a tight grasp on his chubby hands.

"Are you feeling well, Greg?" she asked, studying him closely. There were dark circles under his eyes. If he was infected with some sort of contagion, there was no way in the world she was leaving Steven here.

“What? Oh, yeah, I’m just a little worn out.”

Reluctantly accepting that they were not in the midst of another human plague, Pearl handed Steven to Greg and observed their strange greeting ritual. Greg tossed Steven into the air- _catch him catch him catch him please_ \- and caught him, flipping him upside down and blowing raspberries all around the pink stone in his belly. Steven giggled wildly.

“Hey, I’m going to make some pancakes for… lunch. You’re welcome to stay if you want,” Greg said.

Pearl smiled politely. “Thank you, Greg. I wouldn’t mind staying for a pancake.”

She had no intention of eating anything, but if Greg had honestly been asleep for the past day and a half, she wanted to ensure that he could prepare breakfast without burning down the house and Steven with it.

Greg obviously wasn’t expecting Pearl to accept his invitation, but he recovered from the surprise and enthusiastically welcomed her into the mobile home. It had been a while since she set foot inside- the Gems babysat frequently, but Pearl almost always tasked one of the others with picking up and dropping off Steven. She always forgot how cramped it was, but in contrast to the hurricane level disaster inside the van, the mobile home was neat and clean. If nothing else, she had to appreciate the fact that Greg generally kept his mess contained.

Greg set Steven down and chuckled as the little boy pulled him forward into the tiny kitchen.

“He’s about to start walking on his own,” Pearl said proudly. “He tried to let go of my hands several times this weekend.”

“Oh, that’s great. Where did you guys take him again?”

“The Strawberry Fields. They’re just getting ripe.”

“That’s great. I think I’ve been there once or twice.” Greg pulled a griddle down from on top of the refrigerator. He dug through another cabinet for pancake mix. “I bet he loved that.”

Pearl sat at the kitchen table, tucking Steven into his high chair beside her. “Steven may have consumed one or more beetles this weekend. Not toxic beetles. Please watch to make sure he doesn’t break out in rashes.”

Thirty seconds. She had left him in the care of Amethyst for thirty seconds. But as much as she hated to admit her failure to _Greg_ of all people, Pearl knew it would be unsafe for the two of them not to keep each other in the loop.

Greg winced and flipped a couple of pancakes onto Pearl’s plate. “Well, in that vein of total honesty, this week I learned that the pool cleaning company is moving out of Beach City. They didn’t have enough business here. Turns out that nobody in Beach City really has a pool because… well, most people go to the beach.” Greg laughed to himself. “Should have seen that coming, huh?”

He put another pancake in front of Steven and ripped it into pieces for him. Steven giggled and proceeded to drop the pieces, one by one, onto the floor.

“So you’re out of work again?” Pearl asked wearily. While Greg was picking up Steven’s mess, she hurriedly beamed her own pancakes into her Gem for safe-keeping.

“Yeah, for the moment. But I’ve got an idea for something that could be a much more permanent solution. You know what everyone in Beach City _does_ have that _always_ could use a cleaning?” He led with his voice, eyeing her expectantly.

Pearl blinked. She couldn’t think of anything in particular. Everything in Beach City seemed like it could use more regular cleaning, as a matter of fact.

“Cars! Everybody has a car, and they’re always all sandy,” Greg said, enthusiastic as if he had discovered the cure for cancer. The light didn’t reach his eyes, though. “I got the idea while I was hosing off the ol’ van for the thousandth time the other day. Wow, you’re hungry, aren’t you?”

Greg interrupted himself to flip more pancakes onto Pearl’s plate. He put another in front of Steven, who giggled and set it on top of his head.

“This is gonna work. I’ve already found a building that I’ll probably be able to lease. And people here are so great. The Pizzas already said they’d be willing to invest…”

“That’s a lovely idea,” Pearl said politely, stealthily storing the fresh pancakes in her gem as well.

Of Rose’s many final wishes for her, Garnet, and Amethyst, Pearl had anticipated that ‘not blaming Greg’ would be the most difficult. But the truth was, Pearl sometimes got the sense that he was already taking care of most of the blaming himself for her. Pity was the easier emotion to feel, on the days that she scrounged up an emotion to feel towards Greg. She was glad that the people of Beach City could be counted on to pity him as well.

Pearl pushed her empty plate out of the way and lifted Steven from his high chair. She set him on the floor, and he bounced up and down, holding onto a leg of her chair. And then he squealed, looked at Greg, and let go, wobbling on his own two feet for a moment before taking a step forward.

“Greg! Quick! Grab your analogue recording device!” He would want to have this moment captured.

Greg dropped the spatula and looked around the tiny kitchen in a panic. “Oh, shoot. I think it’s out in the van!”

“I have one. Here.” Pearl retrieved a camcorder from storage in her gem and quickly turned it on as Steven took tiny, unsteady steps toward his father, who knelt in front of him.

“That’s it, buddy. One foot in front of the other,” Greg coached. Steven lost his balance after a few more seconds, but Greg immediately scooped him up again. “Way to go, little man.”

Pearl clasped her hands in delight. “He’s walking! Can you believe this? Oh, it might not be long before he’s summoning his shield for the first time!”

“Nah, all the books I’ve read say that won’t happen for at least another two months,” Greg said with a small smirk.

“What books are these?” Pearl had read every book she could get her hands on about child-rearing. None of them had been remotely helpful about that sort of thing.

Greg shook his head. “Nothing…I was just… just kidding.”

They both knew that the day was coming when the Gems would play a much more integral part in raising Steven. It was Pearl’s calling now, and every second that she wasn’t watching him or fighting to protect his planet she spent drawing up plans for the house he would live in, writing summaries of their history for him to read, mapping out locations she would have to take him to visit. It was only a matter of time.

Greg set Steven back in the high chair and took the camcorder from Pearl. “Oh man, I’m so glad you caught this! I can’t wait to show…” He paused for just a moment. Just long enough. “Garnet and Amethyst.” Greg folded the viewfinder back into the camcorder and sat down at the table. “You should take this back and show Garnet and Amethyst. They’ll love it.”

“Greg…”

He fiddled with the lens cap, looking incredibly weary again.

“Greg, your pancakes.”

They were burning. Greg jumped up, muttered a bad word, and unplugged the griddle, reaching to open a window so the quickly-rising smoke could escape. He scraped the blackened batter into the trash, wrinkling his nose.

“That’s all right. I wasn’t that hungry, anyway.” Greg sat back down at the kitchen table next to Pearl. There was a tremor in his voice, his hand, _something_.

“No, you should eat something. Here, you can have mine,” Pearl said quickly. She beamed the pancakes in her gem back onto Greg’s plate, then drizzled syrup over them with a flourish.

Greg stared at the plate of still steaming pancakes. They sat in silence.

"Pearl, I think I’ve been struggling with depression," Greg said, without warning.

Pearl dropped a few strawberries from her pocket dimension onto the pancakes. Then she sat back and looked at him for a long moment.

Greg rubbed his neck uncomfortably. "Are you...do you need that one explained?"

"I'm familiar with the concept, although I will be sure to research it more thoroughly after this," she promised. Even knowing as little as she did, she felt a bit foolish for not seeing it herself.

“But it’s… probably just a human thing?”

She hesitated. "I suppose. Gems can, of course, experience extremes in emotion, sometimes lasting for long periods of time." Sometimes for an eternity.

"Right. Yeah." Greg poked at the pancakes with his fork listlessly.

"But a Gem never suffers the physical side effects associated with the human construct of 'depression,’ such as fatigue or a disrupted sleep cycle," she explained.

"That makes sense," Greg said. He pushed the plate away. "I was just... I was doing okay for a while. But I guess I never really talked to anybody about... About Rose, and everything that happened. I guess I thought that some things… might be too hard to explain?" His voice was getting thick.

Pearl said nothing. It had been almost a year, and Greg could still hardly speak her name without choking up. He must have gone to great lengths to seem composed in front of the Gems on a regular basis, but it was obvious that, at least when Steven wasn’t around, he had let the pain grind him to a halt. That was a dangerous thing to do.

She scooped Steven up and held him on her lap. Greg cleared his throat, and Pearl realized too late that her silence had invited him to share more.

“But I ran into Mr. Fryman in city hall yesterday- er, Friday- morning, when I was getting the permit. We talked for a while." Greg wiped at his eyes. "I didn't realize that his wife passed away just a few years back."

"Good," Pearl said.

Greg just stared at her. He didn’t even look surprised. Pearl blushed, immediately hearing her mistake.

"I misspoke. Of course, that's tragic. I'm only glad you were able to find solace in his companionship."

“Oh, yeah. Me too, I guess.”

Pearl hesitated a moment before she reached over and set a hand on Greg’s shoulder. "Thank you for telling me that. That must have been difficult for you."

"No problem, Pearl." He clicked his tongue and pointed at her, winking. "Just knew we oughta keep each other in the know, ya know?"

Pearl didn't laugh.

“So… you can keep pancakes in your head. Do they stay warm in there, or…?”

“Wait, Greg, I have one question," Pearl interrupted his horrible attempt at small talk.

"Shoot.”

"Is this going to get in the way of your ability to care for Steven? Because after what I've witnessed today..."

"No!" Greg burst out, heat coloring his cheeks. "No, no way. Look, this weekend was bad. It’s… bad sometimes when he’s not here. But I'm all there for my little buddy! Pearl, I promise, it's really minor and I'm gonna do what I need to do to get it taken care of. Besides, Steven's my champ. He's keeping his old man together, aren't you, bud?"

Steven blew a spit bubble of agreement. Pearl's nostrils flared.

"No, Greg. Steven is NOT keeping you together. That is not his job.”

“I didn’t mean-”

“He's just a child, and it's _your_ responsibility to keep it together for _him_. Do you understand?”

Greg wouldn’t look at her. It might have been harsh, but she had to say it, for Steven’s sake. She wasn’t like him. She couldn’t stop and let herself wallow in it for a moment or… she didn’t know what would happen, but it would just be a distraction from her mission of caring for Steven.

“Do you understand what I'm saying to you?" she repeated, more slowly.

"I understand, Pearl. Thank you." Greg’s voice was now almost as cold as hers. "I'm going to do everything I can. And I'm going to start by talking to some  _humans_."

It was clearly a dig at her unfeeling demeanor, but that didn’t matter. She had gotten her point across.

Pearl thanked Greg for the pancakes she hadn’t eaten and left the mobile home with quick steps, ignoring the fact that her feet somehow felt heavier without Steven standing on them.

* * *

_but then_

It was a solid decade before Greg turned those words around on her. Once again, smoke hung in the air, but this time wafted from the burning wreckage of a little makeshift spacecraft. It smelled significantly worse than the charred pancakes had.

Greg rushed over to where their parachute landed. He wrapped Steven in a bear hug and wept openly. After ensuring that both of his son’s feet were planted firmly on the ground, Greg pulled Pearl around to the other side of the van, out of Steven’s sight. She braced herself for the worst.

“Do you want to tell me what the _hell_ is going on with you?”

Greg spoke quietly, but she had never seen his sunburned face that shade of scarlet before.

It was her chance to apologize, beg for forgiveness, _explain_ herself, but Pearl found she was unable to do any of those things, because she was as bewildered as he was. She didn’t understand the forces that had driven her to the edge of the atmosphere, or her irrational belief that continuing to propel the tiny craft forward was the only thing that could keep it from rattling to pieces. That stopping would be the thing to break it apart.

She stammered, but no words came out.

“Well, you need to figure it out _now_ , Pearl, because this is not happening again.”

“Never,” she promised earnestly.

It was an easy thing to promise.

* * *

 

_and later_

Pearl was supposed to be cleaning up the debris from the next spaceship to explode and rain down pieces on their beach. But it was hard to accomplish that task when she couldn’t take her eyes off the sky. The stars were just beginning to wink out, extinguishing by the rising sun. Somewhere beyond them, more ships were lurking, and she felt the same niggling sense of futility she often did as she mopped Steven’s dirty footprints from the kitchen floor, knowing Amethyst was yet to pass through. And yet mop she always did.

Pearl was supposed to be cleaning. But she just stood lost in her thoughts, waiting for the stars to go out.

 “Hey.”

Pearl flinched and turned on her heel, pulling her spear from her gem and wielding it before she registered that the voice certainly did not belong to an enemy. Steven stood in front of her in his pajamas, resting his ukulele on the sand beside him.

“You doing okay?” he asked, eyeing her spear with one eyebrow raised.

“My apologies. I didn’t know you were awake, Steven.” Pearl stored her weapon hastily and took a deep breath. “You should still be sleeping.”

“Garnet said you were cleaning up. She said not to bother you,” Steven said. “But it looked like you were taking a break, so I came out to see you.”

A break. She hadn’t moved in half an hour at least.

Pearl huffed in annoyance. She knelt down in front of Steven and touched the puffy skin under his eye. "Steven, have you been icing this? I told you to ice it."

He shrugged away from her touch. “I did. And then it all melted. Ice does that.”

Pearl frowned. “I really think you should try to get a little more sleep, Steven, the sun’s hardly even up.”

 “I can’t sleep anymore,” Steven said, with a wide yawn that made Pearl wonder if his thoughts were more of a culprit than any surge of energy. “I’ll go sleep at the carwash tonight. I’m due for some Dad time, you know?”

“You’d be safer in your bed here at the temple.”

“Not with giant hands crashing all over the place,” Steven pointed out, a little too accurately. Pearl bristled. He yawned again. “Dad will sleep better if I’m there, anyway.”

He really didn’t care where he would be safer, did he? After everything that had happened, he was _still_ trying to put them all at ease. Steven turned back to see Pearl, who was stiff as a board beside him. “What’s the matter? Why are you mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you,” Pearl lied.

“Then why don’t you want me out here with you?”

“That’s not… I don’t…”

Steven put his hands on his hips. She was half expecting his shield to pop out, he looked so defensive. The last twenty-four hours had just been too much.

"You shouldn't have come back, Steven!” Pearl blurted out. “You could have been _seriously_ hurt!"

“Yeah, or you all could have died!” Steven scowled. “You know, everybody else has been telling me what an awesome and cool thing I did, saving your lives. And all you’ve done is just yell at me about it.”

Pearl flushed. “I… you’re right, Steven. I’m sorry. What you did was very, very… cool. But please try to understand. You're _so_ important. It’s our job to take care of you." She grabbed his shoulder, pleading with him to understand.

“That's kind of dumb.”

Pearl met his eyes, bewildered and exhausted.

“No offense, I mean. But we're a team, Pearl. You guys have taken care of me forever. And I'm gonna take care of you. And that means I'm gonna fight with you, and that means I'm gonna sit here on the beach with you, and I’m not going back to bed even if you ask me nicely."

Pearl sat down on the sand. She stared out across the expanse of water numbly. “Okay then,” she mumbled.

“Well, okay.” Steven sat down beside her, crossing his arms stoutly.

They sat in silence.

Steven let his crossed arms drop and dragged his fingers through the sand. “That was a big spaceship, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, it was,” Pearl murmured.

“Like, a _really_ big spaceship. A lot bigger than our spaceship.”

Their spaceship hadn’t made it very far.

“Pearl, can I tell you the truth about something?”

“Of course,” she said faintly.

“I don’t think I want to go to Homeworld anymore.”

Pearl smiled thinly. “I don’t think I do either.”

A wave lapped at their feet. Steven dug through the sand beside him, making little hills and valleys and then smoothing them away.

“It was never really a serious possibility, but I didn’t want to believe that things had gotten so bad…" Pearl sighed. “Homeworld has always had its problems, Steven, but I have some very precious memories of the time I spent there with… friends that I won’t get to see again.”

"And with my mom?"

Pearl nodded, her gaze distant. "I just get a little sad sometimes, remembering it."

"I think you always seem a little sad," Steven said quietly. "Even when you're happy."

He wasn't wrong. The ache in her chest was certainly not a stranger. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to keep the emotion from spilling over. It would pass in a moment.

"It's okay, Pearl. You can cry if you want. I already cried earlier.” Steven dribbled a handful of wet sand through his fingers. “My dad always says if you try not to cry when you need to, it just builds up until your head explodes and blows out your eyeballs."

"Greg says that?" Pearl almost smiled in spite of herself.

"He says part of it. Sometimes I forget the rest of what he says so I have to fill it in."

Steven stopped rummaging in the sand and held up a piece of debris. It was a shard of something that glittered sickeningly in the morning light. “Whoa!”

“Put that down, Steven! It could be very sharp!”

Steven handed the shard to Pearl without further objection. She inspected it carefully.

_It could be- it could be-_ it wasn’t. It was just a piece of glass from a shattered window.

Steven watched her closely as she set the shard aside to dispose of later. "Does all this remind you of the first war?" he asked quietly.

And something about the way he said _first_ , implying an inevitable second war, nearly sent Pearl over the edge again. There couldn't be another. They couldn't win. She was shaking with the effort of holding herself together. If only he would _leave._ Steven had already seen Garnet ripped apart, and the very least she could do was not to come undone in front of him.

“Pearl…”

Pearl covered her eyes. A small hand squeezed her shoulder gently, and a sob gurgled in her throat before she could stop it.

“It’s okay. It’s your turn to cry, Pearl.” He was rubbing her back now. “You must be scared out of your mind.”

“Why… why do you say that?” she gasped, desperately trying to steady herself.

“Because the more that I learn about all this stuff, the more scared I feel,” Steven admitted. He rubbed at his sore eye reflexively. She had to resist the urge to cup his cheek and examine it again. “And you know everything, so you must be the most scared.”

“I don’t know everything, Steven.” The ache in her chest sharpened. “I’m so sorry.”

He said nothing in reply. Steven dropped his ukulele in the sand and crawled over her legs to sit in her lap, inches away from the breaking tide. He grabbed both her arms and pulled them down around his shoulders. Pearl lowered her cheek onto his mess of hair and let the tears fall freely.

“I’m going to write a song about this momentous day that we had, all right?” Steven said, scooping up his ukulele again.

“I’d love to hear it,” she whispered.

Steven fiddled with the tuning knobs for a moment before strumming rather aggressively. "We- al-most- _died!_ ” He switched to a happy, bouncing strum. “But we didn't so it's okay, Pearl!” And then after a moment’s thought, he strummed forcefully again. “Home-world's- a- _jerk!_ But we beat them so it's okay, Pearl!"

As heartfelt as the song was, it did little to put yesterday’s horrors from her mind.

Steven giggled suddenly, which jostled Pearl’s head. "What's so funny?" she asked, sniffling.

"My head's all wet now. It's like you're washing my hair."

"You do need to wash your hair, Steven. It's very smelly." Pearl ruffled the black mop affectionately.

"Yeah, everything's smelly if you stick your nose in it. Logic, Pearl, if you would.” Steven raised the ukulele for another verse. “They- punched- my- _eye!_ But it looks cool so it's okay, Pearl!”

And it was okay. Wrong as it may have been, it was only okay because he was there to sing about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more chapter, which will return to the elusive before Steven/after Steven format. It will almost certainly not be as long, painful, or interesting as this chapter. Please stick around in spite of that!
> 
> It’s probably about time to tell you that the title of this story is inspired by the following Leo Tolstoy quote. “But the law of loving others could not be discovered by reason, because it is unreasonable.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to post this chapter for about six months. Whoops.

 

_at first_

“Testing, testing.” Greg’s voice bounced around faintly in the small recording booth. “Do you read me, ground control?”

Pearl sat on the other side of the glass in front of a panel of buttons and dials. She pushed several sliders up and then spoke into her own microphone. “Speak again, Greg. I think I have it this time.”

Greg leaned over the mike. “I’ve got my eye on you, babe,” he said, winking as he slung his electric guitar over his shoulder.

Pearl huffed in irritation, though she was pleased to find that Greg’s voice came through crystal clear this time. Rose smothered a giggle behind her, leaning against Pearl’s seat with a starry-eyed glow.

“Vocal levels seem optimal. Let’s hear the instrument now.”

“Hey, thanks for doing this, Pearl,” Greg said, plugging in his guitar. “I’ve really never seen anybody learn the equipment this fast.”

“She’s quite the quick study, isn’t she?” Rose said. “You should see her fix an engine.” Pearl’s face burned at the praise. She ducked her head and pretended to study the controls closely.

Greg shook his head. “She’s incredible. It took me years to figure out this stuff.”

“I owe it to your thorough explanation, of course,” Pearl said modestly. It was true that Greg knew the equipment well. She didn’t point out, however, that the small amount she had _forgotten_ over the millennia was a far vaster collection of information than his human mind would ever hold.

“Alright, let’s hear the guitar, please. I know you’re paying quite a bit for the use of this facility, and I would not like to waste your time.”

Greg nodded and strummed the guitar earnestly. A screeching wail rattled the recording booth, and Greg yelped, covering his ears. Pearl fumbled with the controls until she brought them down from an earth-shattering level.

“Are you okay?” Rose asked into Pearl’s mike.

“ _What_?” Greg yelled. “ _Oh yeah, I’m fine. Happens all the time.”_

Pearl’s hands shook with embarrassment. “Please accept my apologies. I’ll adjust the settings immediately.”

“No worries, Pearl.” Greg still spoke a little louder than usual. “You know what I always say… If every porkchop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs.”

“I… don’t know what that means,” Pearl said slowly. “But I’ve corrected my error.”

“It means you don’t always get it right the first time. Or the fiftieth. Heck, I blew out my own eardrum once,” Greg said. “Right before a show. Marty thought dripping superglue in my ear canal was a good solution. Marty was a piece of trash, did I ever tell you that?”

“I’m sure we’d love to hear all about it later,” Pearl said tightly. He couldn’t afford another hour in this booth.

“Right.” Greg cleared his throat. “Okay. This song goes out to the love of my life, the pink lady in the front with the rockin’ curls. The first single of my latest album, _I’ve Got My Eye on You, Babe._ ”

Pearl double-checked that the recording light was on as Greg began his song. It was a wailing, crooning thing about seeing her face in the constellations, and other such outlandish overuses of the literary technique _hyperbole_. It was catchy enough, though, and Pearl absently tapped a finger along as she concentrated on monitoring feedback levels. The guitar solo toward the end of the song was enough to make her wince, teeth gritted, particularly when Greg struck the wrong chord, as loudly and passionately as all the right ones, and then continued with the screeching solo as if nothing had gone wrong. Pearl suppressed a groan. They’d have to record it again. She’d have to listen to it all over again.

Rose mouthed _thank you, dear,_ and squeezed her shoulder. Pearl relaxed. Once more wasn’t too much of a problem.

Greg strummed the final chord of the song, hanging his head dramatically. When the sound vibrated into silence, he waved Rose into the booth and wiped sweat from his face, his chest heaving. She clapped for him.

“Was it good?” he asked.

She nodded, her eyes sparking.

Greg lowered his guitar. “Was it really?” An odd vulnerability hung in his eyes.

Rose took his hands. “It was perfect.” And she kissed him.

Pearl bristled, just a little. His performance had been far from perfect. Though she knew Rose didn’t have a speck of malice in her gem, it seemed just bit cruel to encourage inferior creatures with such lies, regardless of the affection she may have felt toward them.

Even Greg heard his mistake when she played back the recording for him. He winced when the guitar solo ended. But just as she predicted, his funds for more recording time had run out.

“Oh well. What would we do without hot dogs, huh?”

Pearl didn’t point out that hot dogs remained one of the _least_ appetizing human foods.

“Thanks again for your help, Pearl. Oh, I did have one quick question. Is this supposed to be my name?”

Greg held out the demo copy of the CD she had burned. Pearl had rather creatively labeled the sleeve “ _D#dim re D#dim Universe._ ”

“Ah, so you _do_ know the difference between G and a diminished D sharp chord, then,” Pearl said, smiling tightly.

Greg glanced at the CD again, chuckled, and shined it on his ratty T-shirt. “Always a pleasure, Pearl,” he said.

He left with the demo tape in his baggy pocket and, inexplicably, his head held high.

* * *

Flawed, inadequate, substandard, _defective…_

Some days the words beat a rhythm in her mind until she could hear nothing else.

In another age, Rose had brushed her tears away with her thumb and whispered, “ _I wish you could see perfection the way I do._ ”

And Pearl’s heart ached because she tried, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t help thinking that it was a little cruel of Rose to encourage inferior creatures like her.

* * *

_but then_

The tarp over the unfinished ceiling flapped with each gust of wind. Pearl kept one eye on it, worried that it would tear away from the house and reveal the gray clouds building overhead. But Steven lay well within the shelter of the temple, the stone floor around him littered with loose paper and crayons worn down to stubs. He hummed to himself as he drew, his tongue poked out between his teeth from time to time in concentration.

“You’re hard at work there, aren’t you?”

Steven kicked his feet absently. He didn’t reply. Greg claimed that Steven never stopped talking at home, but he was shy whenever he visited the Gems, murmuring only one or two words at a time and often silently staring at Pearl with wide-set curious eyes. But if the old expression was true that a picture spoke a thousand words, then today, Steven had spoken _volumes_ more than ever before. He had been coloring feverishly since the morning, almost as if to combat the monochrome of the stormy sky and temple walls. He had _her_ eye for beauty, perhaps. They’d have to make sure to decorate the house brightly for him upon its completion.

The fridge stood behind him in the temple as it had since his mother’s first craving, still thrumming with magic. Now it was decorated with magnets of various barnyard animals, each of which held one of Steven’s drawings. Pearl could pick out the square shapes of Greg’s van and Garnet’s hair, Amethyst’s purple tabby form, and plenty of scribbled ocean waves, but some of them were unrecognizable in their brightly colored nonsense. Perhaps Pearl had made a premature assumption about his artistic eye. She tried not to assume anything anymore.

“Can I see what you’re drawing, Steven?” Pearl asked, sitting down beside him.

“Shhh!” Steven commanded seriously. He padded across the floor in bare feet and climbed into her lap, facing her with his eyebrows drawn in deep concentration. He grabbed her cheeks in both hands and stretched them out, then squished them together in chubby folds. Then he nodded to himself and scurried back to his nest of papers.

“Steven, are you drawing me?” Pearl asked, suddenly embarrassed.

He ignored the question. Pearl edged up beside him, but he shrieked and threw himself over the drawing. “Not _yet!_ ” he cried.

“Okay, okay.” Pearl held up her hands in surrender and paced back onto the unfinished floor of the house. She summoned a level out of her gem and checked the slant of the floor, not for the first time. She had to see to it that Steven’s journey to the breakfast table wouldn’t be an uphill climb every morning.

The minutes crawled by until Steven finally dropped his crayon, rolled onto his back, and inspected his work carefully. Nodding again, he kicked his feet clumsily until he righted himself and then ran over to Pearl again, the paper tucked behind his back.

A gust of wind whipped through the open walls, tugging at his drawing impishly. Steven yelped and tightened his grip on the paper, holding it protectively against his chest. Pearl led him back to the shelter of the temple, and he handed the drawing to her, eyes wide and solemn.

It _was_ her. At least, that seemed to be his intention, though this Gem’s proportions were quite askew. Her stick-skinny arms stretched out below her feet, which pointed painfully in opposite directions. Her sash seemed to tie just below her neck, and her skirt flared out somewhere around her armpits. Bright orange hair flamed out from around a face that wasn’t much less chaotic. Eyes of two different sizes were separated by a nose longer and sharper than a stalactite. The shaky, lopsided line of her mouth was turned up in an unmistakable smile.

“ _Wait!_ ” Steven cried in horror, suddenly snatching the paper back to make a last-minute correction. He grabbed a crayon and carefully spelled out the letters he had spent the past few months learning.

_P-E-R-L._

Almost.

Pearl studied the drawing for a moment. She opened her mouth and then closed it again, then slowly lowered it to see Steven staring at her, unblinking, hanging on every twitch of her face. She held the picture up to the light for extra close inspection. He bounced against her knee impatiently.

“Steven, this is…” Pearl paused, considering carefully. “This is a masterpiece.”

It wasn’t. Of course it wasn’t. She had seen the truly remarkable works of art that humans kept protected in their garish museums, and this was not of a similar quality. But Pearl felt no guilt in her lie, only an odd warmth in her chest, the irrational thought that this was the only word worthy of the care he had put into his work. And yet she had to come up with another word, because Steven was chewing the end of a crayon, perplexed.

“Whazzat mean?” he asked, around a mouthful of _Cerulean_.

“That means it’s absolutely lovely.” Pearl pulled the crayon out of his mouth.

Steven paused to consider that. “Yes,” he agreed, with a thoughtful tilt of his head.

“I think it belongs on the fridge with the others, don’t you?”

He clapped, cheeks dotted with pink. “Yes!”

But when Pearl picked up the paper, Steven whined, “I wanna do it! Let me!”

She handed him the cow magnet off the fridge and pointed to an empty space near the floor. “It’ll fit nicely there, won’t it?”

“Nooooo.” Steven thrust out his arms. “Up!”

Pearl set him up on her shoulders and watched as he positioned her portrait front and center, hanging it crookedly over several others. She didn’t straighten it.

She opened the freezer and handed Steven one of those frozen cat treats. His eyes lit up as Pearl helped him tear the wrapper. “Yes yes yes yes yes yes!” Cookie crumbs rained down on her head.

She swung the freezer door shut and found herself at eye level with her distorted likeness once again. P-E-R-L. She paused, still holding onto the fridge handle.

“Lovely,” Steven said, clapping sticky ice-cream hands against her cheeks. Warmth spread through her core, though his fingers were freezing.

“Lovely,” Pearl repeated, softly.

And after a long moment, she smiled.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND NOW 
> 
> The story’s over.
> 
> Thanks for reading! I am as proud of this mess of a fic as Steven is of his artwork.


End file.
